There might come a time when life or situations kick u hard in the gut creating an opening for fear and vulnerability to creep in. You might clam up and close up. You’ll stop trusting people you once trusted i.e friends and create a bubble for yourself. And that’s okay. When life takes a blow at you like that and blindsides you, whatever the cause, you lose a piece of yourself and for that you need time and a safe place to grieve… For a while. Only for a little while. Because at some point that safe haven will outlive its usefulness and it’ll slowly become your prison. You either step out of it and get back into the real world, fill your lungs with some much needed oxygen and find things that’ll stimulate your mind, feelings and get that blood rushing and pumping again with endorphin, or you can stay there, continue to wallow in your shit, and die a coward’s death. And believe me that’s the worst kind; when your soul dies a slow and excruciating death but your body continues to live and breathe day in day out. Life loses its colour and vibrancy and your world becomes monochrome. At that point even you would have outlived your usefulness and for WHAT? So ask yourself is self sacrifice really worth it? Of course it’s easier said than done to just say “get your shit together and start living, start trusting, start making friends, start making a life.” But sometimes the truth has to be served raw just like that and euphemisms just won’t cut it.
Find new interests, make space in your heart and life for your friends again – no man is an island; be positive, and as scary as it might be…you have to be open minded to new people and trying new things. The latter is probably the most intimidating. Finding the courage to TRUST and build trust. You might have subconsciously created the habit of thinking negatively of people you meet who might genuinely want to be your friend or acquaintance, this is a defence mechanism. They’re simply walls you put up to ensure no one gets close enough to hurt you, but these are walls you have to summon the courage to knock down. Instead of the pessimism, try focusing on all the good qualities of someone you’ve met and all the things you have in common rather than focusing on the differences. Make time for a new hobby. Join a gym (trust me I’ve met some really lovely people in the gym in the past couple of weeks), volunteer in your community or for some cause that interests you, or take a bloody art class if you must, i don’t care to be honest, – but staying on that couch alone and depressed isn’t the answer.
Relationships of any kind are 2 way streets so remember to make the effort to reach out to your friends or new acquaintances and extend an invitation to do something you know you’ll both or all enjoy. And if your existing friends are hermits just like you, you might want to consider finding friends who are a bit more social (that’s not to say you should abandon your existing friends or day ones oh biko! Don’t let your village people use your brain chop okra!). And finally go on dates!!! That girl or guy that’s been showing interest just might be worth giving a shot. Yup bihhh a drink or meal with some good convo and laughs never hurt nobody! Go out have fun and you never know. You have to be willing to open up and let people see the real you. Drop the nonchalant ice queen or iron man act and be you! If you’re having a crap day be real about it.
If you want to have meaningful friendships that go beyond the surface you have to be willing and able to put yourself out there. The truth is when you start to care about people you’re also signing on to the small print that says you’re investing at the risk getting hurt. but if you ask me, everything in life comes with a risk of some sort. Scary, but it’s a risk worth taking if you’re going to be happy. The irony is that you have to be willing to open up in order to find closure, whatever closure you’re seeking in life, it’s the only sure way to get it and let go of whatever has been weighing you down. It’s the only way you’re going to pull yourself back up. Others will give you a hand but You have to be willing to take it.
If I can find ways to cope with my social anxiety, wean myself off three different anti depressants and anxiety meds that left me so spaced out and numb i wouldn’t feel a thing if u slapped me (you don’t need them despite what your Dr says – mind over matter; but mind you that withdrawal will kick you down even harder, but if you get through it then just KNOW God’s got you trust me) and I still dare to want to live not just exist but LIVE so can you! If i can get dressed for work and choose to get in the bus and move forward rather than want to throw myself in front of the bus so can you. I wake up everyday with a pledge and a conscious effort to live, to love to learn to discover to forgive myself, forgive the past and forgive what might be ahead in the future so should you. You’re not on this earth by mistake. Your existence has a purpose and you owe it to yourself to discover it to live life to the fullest on your own terms. Do not allow anyone or anything or situation rob you of that. There’s so much of yourself you’re yet to discover.
We all fall down but we all must get back up!